experience of a 12h moon and learning radical acceptance.
The 12th House in Astrology represents the subconscious mind, misery, solitude, loss, imagination, transcendance, compassion. Among many other things. This traditionally inauspicious house naturally gives the native a challenging experience in some way, shape, or form. I would say Solitude, Liberation and Spiritual Enlightenment are the key factors of this house, and having personal placements there points to a significant pattern of consistent transformation and release throughout a person's life. The themes of this house have (unfortunately) been super apparent in my day to day reality, and they have molded me into the person I am today.
When I learned I had my moon in the 12h, so much clicked into place and it immediately began my relationship with astrology. The moon represents the mother, the emotions, and the mind. My mother has been a deeply strenuous part of my life, very unnurturing, physically and emotionally volatile, and caused me a lot of unforgivable mental and emotional pain. My moon is not only afflicted because it is in the 12h, but also due to planets/nodal aspects. Either way, It was affirming to realize why i've experienced what I can only describe as psychological torment and warfare. Because of these experiences, I find myself constantly looking to develop mental peace and tranquility within myself, and only allowing people into my life who help me find it in our small energetic exchange. Truthfully, I use to hate astrology, and I was vocal about it. Almost 8 years later, I fully stand by it, for better or for worse. It's a heavy and complex house. Still, it was a miracle to be able to have an explanation for why I went through the things I went through, and still do.
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I gained sentience around the ages of 5-6. I started realizing the depth and intricacy of my emotions and my emotional world. I started realizing how I was being treated socially, and the type of personalities, characteristics, and behaviors people exhibited. I really disliked most of my childhood, because I also realized how misunderstood I was. On major and minor levels. From my personality, likes, dislikes, interests, to a simple sentence of expressing a thought, feeling or an idea. Some of it was purposeful misunderstanding, which is a really damaging thing to experience consistently, and i'm sure some of it was just simply being too complex for some and incompatible. My family and people outside of it did not see my point of view or my perspective, reacted very harshly and violently to me setting any sort of boundary or trying to defend myself, and often felt very entitled to the act of disrespecting me and putting me down. My morals and reactions were also often policed, and I was held to ridiculous levels of maturity and tolerance. Just.. a deeply dehumanizing life. I often look back at all these things and see how absurd it all was. My experience really was that people were out to get me, and there was some sort of target on my back. It felt like the point of this behavior from others was to make me suicidal or to make me hate myself. I'm happy to be 26, even with the confusing part of where I am in my life right now, but I wonder how I got through most of it.
Even while writing this, I feel like no matter what I say or how I say it, how detailed I am in the expression of the experiences i've had, the severity of unnecessary bullying, abuse, harassment, betrayal, how it's affected my mind, how I navigate life, and subsequent entitlement people show to me in general, will warrant any empathy, but within the last week, I finally realized the lesson of this placement.
radical acceptance.
Being alone, sitting with pain, speaking to yourself out loud, asking over and over: why, why, why, why, why. how, how, how, how, how. For years on end. You recharge, ponder, and keep your energy safe. You read, you write, and enjoy in the richness of your inner world. Most 12housers know that solitude heals, and that answers come when you're ready for them. (Think of The Hermit. Very 12h coded tarot card.) It was in doing all those things, that I realized I could validate my own experiences and emotions without the expectation from anyone, including the people i'm close to. I've effectively liberated myself from the emotional pain and sadness that comes with having my moon in the 12h. It seems simple, but I'm happy it finally clicked for me, in a deep way. And for the rest of my life going forward, i'm glad i'll have that internal knowing and that finally learned this lesson.
I've always stood in my truth, and remained fixed in the knowing of it. If someone wants to voluntarily or involuntarily not see me, empathize, or is just incapable of holding any emotional space for me, it's not the end of the world. I can just do it myself. At the end of the day, I exist. I'm alive. My pain is real. My injustices are real. My experiences are real. & I will never again allow anyone to make me feel like their validation of the pain and suffering i've experienced is necessary for my healing process.
I hope and pray that others who experience the negative aspects of having a 12h moon, and those who aren't here yet but are destined to be born with it, eventually discover this feeling of emotional liberation and radical acceptance. All hope is not lost, and sometimes the only person who can give you what you need is you.