my most recent experience in romance

I made the decision to slowly cut open my chest
with a medical grade scalpel
rip out my own heart
and place it on a pedestal
then I mounted it on a pike
and covered it with a glass dome.

I held it tightly in my bloody hands
keeping it close to my open, weeping chest
I stepped towards them, internally wincing
time and time again.
slow, calculative and intentional 

we sat together, in this energetic exchange
feelings blossoming and illuminating
intertwining with one another.
like a flower being watered and sang to.
I felt safe, I felt seen, I felt connected.
even with the physical distance between us.
it had truly been so long
since I felt this way with someone.

but soon enough, 
I couldn't help but think,
wonder, and worry
my (ir)rational mind taking over
a self absorbed behavior.
I noticed things
a future unknown
we were being kept apart.
so painful
and unfair.

with glassy eyes,
I left
continuing to hold my bloody heart 
and tend to it
like a baby.